Co-parenting in separation: Getting the best outcomes for your kids (part 1)

Parenting is hard.

To be able to nurture your child’s complex development in the age of technology is incredibly demanding. Parenting your child through the minefield that is co-parenting after separation is much more demanding again.

One of the key reasons is that there is likely to be flood or famine. That is, either the kids will be with their other parent and you are likely to experience separation anxiety, and potential isolation and loneliness… or you will have the kids and have to be the parent 24/7 while trying to fit in work and all of your other commitments at the same time. Add to that your children are likely to be more difficult. Not just to make your life harder, but because life has just become a whole more difficult for them.

First and foremost, they have to deal with you while you navigate the minefield of emotional, practical and financial difficulties of separation, and setting up a new life for yourself. To be able to do all that and be the loving, caring, thoughtful, even-tempered, ever-present, supportive person that they need you to be should earn you a title role in the next Marvel megamovie. It is not possible for most ordinary humans. Other than that they are dealing with their own emotional, practical and perhaps financial difficulties that separation has inflicted on them including the upset of living between 2 houses which should not be underestimated. They may also be dealing with trying to understand the role they played in your separation, for which they will often take far, far more responsibility than they should.

So, the key here is to appreciate that they will also be emotionally fragile. They may behave irrationally or be oppositional as a way of venting their frustrations because they don’t have the capacity of an adult to work through what they are feeling themselves or talk it through with somebody else. So, expect them to be difficult and understand if you are not going to experience confrontation and conflict with them, it will take incredible understanding and patience from you.

A key to being able to manage the difficulties that arise lies in the skill of emotion coaching. This skill holds the ability to improve all relationships, not just with your kids. Crucially, it conveys empathy and that you care at a time when that is exactly what the other person needs.

I’d love to work with you to develop those skills. Book your free no-obligation chat here.